Worrying is something I do on occasion, like Wren's first day of preschool (by the way you all seemed to really like that post, it had one of the highest page views!) or leaving Ellie with a sitter hoping she will just sleep for them, things like that.
I am not a constant worrier. I worry if I start to get lost trying to find a new place and I'm verging on being late.
I worry when I bite off way more than I can chew like when I offered to watch a neighbour's child part time while she worked and then realized I couldn't handle it and had to break the news while feeling terrible about it.
I think I worry about normal stuff for the most part.
This week, nay, these last few months, I've been thinking about worries, anxieties, pressure, struggles, and how to approach them. It seems like there's a lot of it in our lives at times. I recently had a conversation with a group of friends about the pressures and stress of being a mom, wife, woman and balancing everything. Being a mom especially brings enormous pressure from ourselves and the people around us all with their own thoughts on how rearing children should be done. There's a lot of opinions, books, internet forums, and just a lot of information in general that we are bombarded with.
Speaking of books, I'm currently reading Bringing Up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman. The shortest way I can tell you about it is that it's about an American mother and her husband raising their small daughter in Paris and the differences they observe between French and American parenting. I'm finding it really interesting and taking some notes on the nuggets of wisdom I'm reading! It's also fun to learn a bit about the French culture and why they do some things that are rooted in their history, even if you don't agree with everything the author is saying about her comparisons on the child rearing side of it.
One of the stark differences between parenting philosophies in the book, is that Americans (I'm sure we could also include Canadians in there) are fretting far more about their children's development, well being and skills than the French parents are. I'm not going to get into much of it at all, but the author is pointing out a lot of truths through these observations she has made. I see a lot of fretting parents, I'm around other parents constantly. We fret. And to be honest, I'm tired of fretting much at all, even though I'm sure I don't worry half as much as some parents do about ensuring my children are stimulated enough by enrolling them in a million activities for example.
We fret about our kids using fluoride toothpaste versus non-fluoride, learning colours, how much they eat at lunch time so they don't starve, being "bored", getting rejected in the playground, breastfeeding or formula feeding, and the list goes on. We are worried about a lot of stuff that doesn't really matter in the end. The amount of advice out there doesn't help the worrying though.
I guess if I have a New Year's resolution this year, it will be not to fret. Not to worry about Ellie not rolling over yet even though she's 9 months old and probably could be if she cared. I'm not going to worry that Wren can't say her "R's" and they sound more like "W's". I'm not going to feel guilty that I'm not playing with Wren enough during the day, because there is nothing wrong with her playing on her own too. I'm going to really try to not let the billions of opinions out there change how I want to parent, even when someone feels I'm doing something wrong. I have seen bad parents out there, and I see many many good parents out there. I don't worry about my friends and how they parent because they all do such an amazing job.
There is also a lot out there I can't control, and when there really is something to worry about, then I will, but not the things that I know don't matter.
What I
will try to do is allow more time for myself (and not just sitting down reading a book during nap time at home), but going out with my friends. Taking an entire day to myself to do something fun...an
entire day. Sometimes I feel like I do a TON, and sometimes I feel like I don't do enough.
I forget all of the behind the scenes things that I do that add up to the ton of work I'm doing. (You know tiny things add up quick like clipping little nails, registering for preschool, scheduling a haircut, making a playdate, taking books back to the library for and getting more, sorting the clothes that are too small and organizing them into the basement boxes, sewing new velcro tabs onto cloth diapers, making a meal plan for the week, and the list goes on). I'm not saying I'm the only one doing things and Kenton does nothing. But I need to remember that balance means that I need to let myself do fun things too, and I'm not being selfish.
There is always something to be done, but the likelihood of the house falling apart if it doesn't happen right this second, is slim. There is nothing wrong with leaving your kids with your husband for the day. There is something very right about taking your good book to a cafe and reading it there instead, when you can.
I have new-found freedom since I have decided to put Ellie completely on bottles. Breastfeeding is done, and she doesn't fight having a bottle of formula and actually let's others put her to sleep instead of just me. It's the best, and now that feeling of guilt I used to have when I left the house and husband to a screaming baby (because she was SO attached to me and breastfeeding) is gone and I am more at ease with making time for myself.
The fact that I can tell you I'm reading a book should be enough to say I have a bit more time for me these days in that sense.
I want to be the best I can for everyone in my house, and for myself. I want the girls to see me as a positive, happy person that they can aspire to be like as they grow up and know that I am taking care of them but also taking care of me.
