Go the *Meep* to Sleep!

I will start off by saying that Wren has been sleeping super in her big girl bed. She doesn't get out, even when she doesn't want to go to bed...which is incredibly great. She just calls for us to come in and get her. That made the transition that much easier for us.

However...

She isn't stupid, and she knows how to get you back into the room to stall the actual going-to-sleep process.  Honestly, it can really get on a parent's nerves when the whole bedtime song and dance starts to happen.

A few months ago we bought a hilarious book called Go the F__ to Sleep. It's an adult children's book, if that makes any sense. It's written like a child's story time book, but it's about getting your child to go to sleep at night and the frustration that comes on when sleep isn't happening (and it not to be actually read to a child!). So any parent could appreciate it if they ever had trouble getting their kids to fall asleep and they are ready to tear their hair out. The use of the F word in the book seems harsh, but I see it as a person at their most raw, most exasperated self...it really gets the point across. And gives a good laugh!

Anyway, the reason I bring this book up is because when we first bought it, we thought it was hilarious, we could totally relate, etc, etc. Except now, it's like we really get it, because Wren finds excuses like the kids in the book, to stay up- which drive us crazy. Here are some examples and lines from the book:

1.) Wanting to read another story:
"The windows are dark in the town, child. The whales huddle down in the deep. I'll read you one very last book if you swear you'll go the F__ to sleep."

2.) Asking for another sip of water..for the 4th time:
"The eagles who soar through the sky are at rest, and the creatures who crawl, run, and creep. I know you're not thirsty. That's bullshit. Stop lying. Like the F__ down and sleep."



3.) Needing another toy in her bed with her:
"The tiger reclines in the simmering jungle. The sparrow has silenced her cheep. F__ your stuffed bear, I'm not getting you shit. Close your eyes. Cut the crap. Sleep."

Maybe you have to read it yourself so that it doesn't seem so awful, but I will share with you a line that is my own personal favourite:

"The flowers doze low in the meadows, and high on the mountains so steep. My life is a failure, I'm a shitty-ass parent. Stop f-ing with me, please, and sleep."


So the next time you are in Chapters, go find the book and have a good laugh. We bought it and read it every so often for a good laugh, especially after a few rough nights!

Wren's bedtime routine has gotten a lot more simple, but looking back on the past few weeks since starting her in her bed, we have had a few laughs about what things were looking like for a bit...

Read a couple of stories with Wren.
Say, "It's night-night time Wrennie" and tuck her in. Followed by cries for another story.
Then she wants her back rubbed. And sing "Jesus Loves Me" a few times through.
Get up, leave room.
Wren calls, "Mommy! Daddy!" repeatedly until we give up and one of us goes in.
"No Wren, it's night time." Leave.
"Off! Off! Pants! Off!" Go in and take off her pj pants. Leave. "Pants on!" Sigh.
"Water! Water!" Go in and give her a sip of water. "No, Milk!" Not getting her any milk.
"Baby!!" Tuck her baby doll in beside her. She calls again because baby came out of the covers.
"Pilllow!" followed by "No pillow!!"
*By this time you are saying holy son of a mother...*
"Rub-a-back! Mommy!" Go in and say "No, it's night time, go to sleep."
"Mommy! JESUS!!" (She wants you to sing again..but it sounds hilarious), "JEEESUS!!"
You finally resolve to let her cry, and she does. And eventually you go do dishes to drown out yet another demand request from the stinker child you adore and she finally falls asleep.

I share this all because I am sure there are friends of ours reading that have similar bedtime frustrations and could use a pick-me-up about our own experience these days with Wren! And in the end, it's mostly just amusing when you think back about it after the fact...but not so funny in the moment. :)