A circle of support

I have never read this woman's blog before, I only saw it linked on facebook (Kenton's facebook, I don't have one for those of who you just said "What!") from a friend and had to read the post. 

And then I couldn't stop thinking about it. 

And then I honestly felt a little bummed out because she totally pin pointed exactly how I've been feeling these days. 

I'm not going to lie, the post was a little long and wordy, but she hit in the nail on the head for moms out there trying to just be...moms. 

In a nutshell, the writer talks about feeling how kids are a "joyous burden", how moms need help and support (from other mothers, sisters, our own moms, nannies or housecleaners, friends or whoever it is around us, if we have it), and how our culture and society is set up in a way where we are kind of isolated from each other in one way or another. But honestly, she says it better, read the post, or skim it. 

These parts really hit me specifically and nicely sum up what she's talking about-

"I love my children.  There is no other way I’d rather spend my days on earth.  I truly desire to serve my husband and children. And yet, most of these years, I have struggled in my role as a mother. Depressed. Feeling like a total failure. Exhausted. Stressed.... Years of going through days upon days of feeling completely alone and yet longing for some precious time just. to be. ALONE."

"These feelings of desperation, are not a result of a young mother’s failure.  They are the damaging and unfortunate side-effects of a world that has completely rejected the value of a woman, of a homemaker."

"What young mothers are truly lacking, is a culture centered around family.  Where families are not being ripped apart from every angle of society.  Where older women are there to teach and encourage the younger women in this extremely important vocation of wife and mother.  Where there are actually other women around to help one another out on the home front."

It's hard reading that and knowing how you'd like things to look in life, and remembering the reality and trying to make the best of it. 

I feel incredibly lucky that Kenton and I have the support from our parents and family members with raising our girls. They give us more than we know what to do with some days and we are so thankful for it. 

I still do wish I lived closer to a lot of our good friends too. I wish I could talk to them more, laugh and cry more, help each other with life and kids more. Be more a community in a closer proximity. Instead, it feels impossible at times to schedule one dinner out or a coffee with a friend to connect again. Play dates across the city just aren't practical. 

I appreciate how she doesn't say "do more, have more programs, get involved in more stuff!". It's just about having a circle of support around us, and that will look different for everyone.

On a brighter note however, a while ago a friend of mine that actually lives in our neighbourhood was reminding me that if I ever needed one or both of the girls watched just to run an errand or get something done, that I was always more than welcome to drop them off to play with her kids for a while. And I did take her up on it last week when Ellie had an appointment and I didn't want to haul both girls with me.

I knew that dropping Wren off was also a win-win as she is good friends with their son and they would like to play together, and it was 2 minutes from my house which added zero stress of driving and helping me stay on time for the appt. 

Just knowing I can call on a friend nearby is amazing. It seems somewhat of a small thing at first, but it meant so much to be able to do that, and vice versa if the need arises. 

Some days I get really worn out. Some days I think I will lose my mind if I have to look at the inside of my house for one more minute, or spend 20 minutes bundling my kids up just to play for 5 minutes outside. Sometimes I don't feel like making another trip to go pick up Wren from preschool because it's so much effort. Some days I don't want anyone banging on the bathroom door or bursting my personal bubble of space. 

Sometimes I need to just call someone up and ask them to take my kids for a bit. Or go out for coffee with a friend and vent and laugh about how annoying husbands are but how much we love them. Or take another mom friend a treat when she's holed up in the house with sick kids for a week just to get outside of myself. 

And sometimes, I need to remember that if I don't make all the Christmas crafts I wanted to this year, or get any baking done, or get all the "extras" on my to-do list done, that it's okay and no one will really notice anyways. I might just have some sanity left in the end. 

For the record, I mostly have good days. I also have really bad days too. I wasn't born wearing rose coloured glasses, but I'm always trying to work on it. I think I've come a long way. But I would still really like it if all of our friends lived in our neighbourhood. So come on guys, we've got a famous liquor store over here! (I'm so not kidding).

Okay, Ellie is up now and yelling "MO-MEEE!"

She's getting so big. They both are. Sheesh.